May 23, 2011

  • Time to make like a tree and get out of here

    My job is like depression status.  The fact that I have to go to work tomorrow hangs over my head.  I am planning on quitting my job.  I was reading C.S. Lewis, who wrote about the difference between a straight tribulation and a tribulation which advertises itself as pleasure.  I feel like even my high school was better than now - everyone commiserated about their homework load and lack of sleep.  At this job, everyone's selfish attitudes is the norm.  My indignation and inability to speak up for myself (until late) turn into bitterness and resentment.  Those who are above the fray or can remain unaffected, do so, by choice or by fortune.  Another, seeing this as a stable, easy job, looks at me curiously, then with disapproval, and finally with disgust (or so I imagine).  Finally, it's not just the unhappiness I have to deal with, but also with being misunderstood.

    I've been trying to write a cover letter/resume for the better part of the day.  I've been over thinking and writing so many drafts that my head spins.  The closer it gets to the end of the day, the more anxious I am to be done - but of course, that is counterproductive.

    Going to work is like living in a world of "YP, your problem, not MP, my problem."  I think a larger company is a better fit for me because there are standards and procedures in place that help those who do their work (merit-based) instead of those who speak the loudest or demand the most attention (subjective).  I'm sorry for the miserable post, guys!  I think the most important thing for me is when I rediscover I have hope (like I did right now, halfway through this post).  This job gave me a more concrete sense of self; to stand up for yourself, you gotta know who you are.  Not coincidentally, it also taught me to speak up because "just showing up" isn't enough.. even if you produce good work or don't mind observing from the sidelines.

Comments (4)

  • Go you! :)

  • =]

  • at least you got something out of it! :D ... but i'm glad you're getting yourself out of that. i'm just curious what you're planning to do after... btw, that place sounds like it won't last. but it's lasted this long so perhaps the "each one to his own" (or w/e that cliche is) ambitious attitude has a bit of steam to it... still think it's weaker than a bundle of sticks tho :P

  • @pandaxiong - hehe, thanks :P one can only hope it can't last.  my boss is "so nice" he is, in my opinion, unkind, because he turns a blind eye to things, and in that way, does not encourage those who give a good work performance.

    ambition.. i guess in the sense that they ask for all the luxuries they can get...  also in the c.s. lewis book he writes that there are those people who go for the good in life and speak about their happiness when they are with you, then there are those who refuse luxuries and serve you but complain the whole time about their bitterness.  my "mean' coworker pretty much takes the best of both worlds = takes the good while complaining.  (it does appear to be partly cultural, but she also fits the narcissistic personality disorder to a tee.)
    mostly, and i'm glad i can admit this, it's the environment of fear i will be glad to leave.
    haha, sorrie, i wrote another novel...maybe we should catch up sometime now that we know we both have T-Mobile...

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